How was your weekend?

The ever popular Monday morning question "How was your weekend" is really a staple when coming back into the office for a long week of work. Some Monday's have better weekend adventures than others, but you always get a good feeling knowing your compadre's had a stellar time not working on their two days of freedom from the Man. A brief poll around where I work shows that there was same real variance to what everyone did, but all in all, it was pretty relaxing. Here are a few things that were done by various coworkers over their weekend.

-Twitter'd for the first time
-Went on a bike ride by the lake
-Visited family
-Slept in late
-Saw a celebrity
-Purchased some new shoes
-Caught a local softball game
-Had a date (successful closing)
-Had a date (unsucessful closing)
-Made a new dish at home
-Shot a 49 golfing with a buddy
-Shot a 49 golfing with a buddy, then was plowed into by a guy on a motorcycle leaving a bar, doing wheelies on a Ducati, at about 40 mph.

I was lucky enough to meet a guy named Dean on Saturday. Dean has (had?) a fancy Italian motorcycle. He's probably read this website and been real anxious to get to meet me face to face, because Dean introduced himself to yours truly by slamming into the back of my Nissan Altima at about 40 mph while doing a wheelie (the second one in a series).

After I got over the initial "What the fuck is going on" stage, I looked over at my new friend Dean, who had quickly become a hot mess in the middle of the road. Poor guy had ruined his new bike, had multiple broken bones, and was lucky enough to get a ride in an ambulance.

I walked into the bar where my newly-turned jalopy was parked to clean up the mess in my pants, and was promptly offered a shot and a beer by the old guy behind the bar. While I appreciated the offer, I didn't think giving a police statement after ripping some Jim and downing it with Milwaukee's Best is the smartest way to swing the pendulum of luck in your favor. We gave our statement at the scene, and hauled my car to my friend's house. (Closed circuit to the Krauses'... sorry about the new lawn ornament, I'll get it out of your front yard as soon as I can)

So I got to my friends house and started making the obligatory calls. Parents.. Insurance.. Police.. I cleared out the shit in my car, and proceeded with my evening. I'm lucky enough to drive my fiancee's sister's car (1995 Dodge Neon - SPORT COUPE), but there's a hole in the coolant reservoir. So, I can drive it about 10 minutes before I have to crank the fans and get the cockpit hot as hell to cool off the engine block. I'll have a good idea of what to expect next week. I'll get some pictures up as soon as I can.

BTW... Dean's name has been changed, but he may or may not have looked like this at one point in his life:

Party Monster

When you woke up this morning, did you think today would mark the day of seeing the raddest fucking animal to ever walk the planet? My guess would be no. Well, stand up straight and hold your head high, limp dicks, because the visual buffet you are about to feast on will be something to make you proud.

But not yet. No sir. You're going to have to hold it in and wait for it. Like a high schooler, pumping away on his girlfriend for the first time after prom.

I consider myself marginally radder than this dude:



And considerably radder than this dude:



But this character is so fucking outrageously happening and at the point of where I want to be in my life, it makes me sick to think of how much work I have yet to accomplish.

Think of all the cool shit from the eighties that hipsters havent tarnished yet (but I fear may someday soon): Wayfarers, Hawaiian "i dont give a fuck, it's hot out and I want to party" shirts, roller skates, beer, chicks in bikinis, the beach, mad hessian long-haired dudes pre-David Lee Roth, and being called a party loving happening dude and it being about the biggest compliment anyone could ever pay to you.

Enjoy.

This just in...

Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz took steroids in 2003.

This also just in...

The sky is blue and water is wet.

Let's talk Favre-ball....

There is a lot of buzz in the office today about Brett Favre's decision not to come out of retirement and play for the Vikings. Anyone who knows me knows that this news ranks right up there with the US beating the Commie's (I still get chills hearing that call) in the Miracle on Ice, coming home with a moderate jaguar on for the first time and my parents not knowing, and "talking" my way out of a speeding ticket on my way to my best friend's bachelor party.

All this got me thinking of things that are as rad, or radder, than God taking a huge steaming shit on the state of Minnesota in the form of Brett Favre essentially saying he'd rather mow the lawn for the rest of his life than play for the Vikings. Behold.

-Having the two words "Not Guilty" apply directly to you
-A monster dump leaving you with minimal wipeage (a "clean break")
-Packers Super Bowl win (in our sights...)
-Ordering a 6 piece McNugget's, and opening it up to find a seventh nugget
-Being thrown off a cruise liner, only to be rescued by the Playboy Coast Guard
-Being the dude that farts all day at work, but when confronted about being the culprit, you have the ability to be cool and not start laughing hysterically... thus keeping your guise in full effect
-Pizza
-You're checking out this girl at the bar and you approach her, only to have her boyfriend (brock lesnar) come out of the bathroom ten minutes later. Terrified, you need a second to think, so you grab a snickers (naturally). He calls you out on your nougat fixation and says "that's not how a man eats a snickers" and proceeds to eat his own, manlyily. He then chokes and dies in his haste, only to leave his hot girlfriend boyfriendless. All your blog happy friends happen to be at the bar and report the situation on all the blogs in the blogosphere, while you reign supreme.
-Peeing in a trough
-The "Oh, well that explains it" affect of finding out your cousin was adopted
-When you get the wrong change back and the difference is in your favor
-Finding .50 in your car seat when the only thing in the world you want is a Diet Coke from the work vending machine
-The Loop happy hour, or more specifically, 5 pints and amazing chicken fingers for $13

I'm sure I'm missing something. Tell me, what is equivocally rad in your book?

*Big up's to dus and Max for the creative assistance.

Poetry

Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense;
Refrigerator.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I present to you, the Eternal Moonwalk.

http://www.eternalmoonwalk.com/

Sexual Innuendo of the Day

Bam - Equipment delivery.