The drugs don't kill, they make things better. Come on dance!

NEWS FLASH

Comedian Tracy Morgan claims to have never seen any of the Spiderman movies because lead actor Tobey Maguire owes him $75.

TWO MUPPETS POSTS IN A DAY?

Where have the fucking Muppets been?

Right here, rehearsing and perfecting this bitch....

Appealing the masses...

I'm working on a new post. But for you impatient types, enjoy this.




**Update** - this is supposed to move, hence Party Hard Hogan. I'll take this fail and file it away for future reference.

Yo, Balloon Boy...

Papercuts, bro.

Packer Game

Through some amazing circumstances, the Mrs.-to-Be acquired two tickets for tonight's historic game at the Metrodump. Below is where we'll be sitting. Looks like a pretty good seat to watch Rodgers toss for 400 yards w/ 8 TD's. All the while the Packers' D shuts out Adrian.

And, she managed to get the tix for face value... saving us over $300 total.

Suck it Vike's. After this loss, you can all crawl back into your respective fair weather holes and cry over the greatness of the Pack.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I'm friends with one of the two perp's in this story. Clearly a well thought out robbery.

Rodgers 3:16

Not unlike Austin 3:16, which states "I just whipped your ass", Rodgers 3:16 says "I just threw for over 300 yards, no INT's, and ran two TD's in myself, you honky bitch."



In the Spirit of friendly competition, I'd like to say Fuck You to the following people:

-Anyone who has ever dressed up as a Viking to a Viking came. You all need to be cremated alive.
-Brett Favre, you traitorous fuck. I hope you choke, both literally and figuratively.
-Anyone who classifies themselves as a Viking "fan". Last year, THREE TIMES your team had threatened local television blackouts. And THREE TIMES you had to be bailed out by local television affiliates because you degenerates are too cheap to go and actually attend a game in person to show your support. This year, you acquire one of the greatest QB's in recent history (at least until the 2007 season, now he's just the same as any old guy on your beer league softball team... just livin' the dream), and yet you still can't manage to sell out that inflatable toilet for the Packer/Viking game. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
-Paul Allen. Get over yourself.

Conversely, I'd like to give a pat on the back to this guy. Dude, you did us well.



Anyone else know that Chad Johnson bought tickets for those fuck stick Kitty fans at Lambeau when he did his leap?

I'd like to solve the puzzle...

Random hilarity at work.

Self explanatory.

Vandalism

More silliness from vandals.

Weekend Update

It was a pretty good weekend for me. Had a big ass bonfire and few Old Mil's Friday night, two hours of wiffle ball on Saturday afternoon, then a hawaiian party in New Richmond Saturday night. Sunday was a world class walleye fish fry. Here are a few shots from the weekend. Please pardon the lack of my generally sarcastic statements/innuendos. I'm swamped today and wanted to get a post up today.


Fried walleye lunch, the labor.


Fried walleye lunch, the outcome.


The Walla Walla onions from the garden. They're as big as softballs now.


Tomato's are pretty damn close to being done... I still can't believe how big these bitches got this year.


Sunset looking west out of Roberts / New Richmond on Saturday night at the hawaiian party.

I'll come up with something better later as time permits. For now, F the vikes. And buy this shirt or this shirt.

Various cool shit on my phone

Creativity? Nope.
Overdue for a post? Yep
Time on my hands? Double Yep.


Got home today and Dupa had picked up this. Nectar of the Gods. Never tried the Peach, but turns out it's pretty damn good.


Huge peppers from the garden. 8" long, easy.


Each of those delightful little specks is a tomato. I've never seen plants this vined and big. The top of the middle plant is nearly 6'.


The only French word I like is "rotisserie". This is a salt cured spiral ham on a charcoal grill powered-rotisserie, amazing.


Minneapolis on a beautiful day. I know, hard to recognize without the gang fights, vagabonds, heathens, drunks drunk on listerene, theives, petty crooks, crooked cops, vikings, labor law violations, parking restrictions, $.25 "charge" for using a credit card, veterans who play pretend on washington & broadway who are homeless", skyway jackoff kings, people who go to The Drink in downtown, pan handlers and drug peddlers. On rare days like this, I actually forget I'm in Minnesota.


Venison bacon, farmers market eggs, whole wheat toast. 08/20/09.


Laser cat


Graffiti artist antagonism. This guy painted two huge (6'x4 1/2') tags on a warehouse alley where we would park our cars at the old office. I got to work a couple days later and saw two women scrubbing like hell to get both of the tags off the building. Six days later, a Wednesday morning may I add, I arrive to park to find this wise ass reply by the artist. I had a minor LOL on the walk into the building.

Random Thought Volume 2

I had a car in college from my sophomore year through my senior year. But from about mid-junior year until the end of my (1st) senior year, I drove the car all of 200 yards (from parking spot at house #1 on Chippewa to parking spot at house #2 on Chippewa). I was relentless about not driving, too. I had my friends cart me all over the place, I would shop at the expensive grocery store on Water St near my place, I stole a couple bikes. When we (me + 15 of my closest collegiate friends) went to Panama City Beach for Spring Break, I drove from about Dothan, AL to Birmingham (translation: not far). I do believe this is the only period in my life, barring injury, where I will ever go that long without operating a car again.

In any event, I'm rambling. Here's the meat of this post. My car looked like this... the predecessor to today's modern cars w/ 90 degree angles. I present, the Dynasty.



Look at this sexy thing. It was like driving a huge ass sofa with wheels (and a V6). Perfect for sneaking booze/friends into drive in movies, burnouts in the IGA parking lot, and intimidating parking poses in Hick Row at West.

A picture's worth a thousand words...

Or in this case, an entirely new car. I wish I could've taken a picture of the cycle. I think this was the only known motorcycle vs. car crash in which case the car incurred substantially more damage than the bike.

That said, this guy was a fucking idiot.

I took these pictures Saturday when I was dropping off a thank-you package of wine and Bud Light to the homeowners who've let my wreck sleep in their front yard the last two weeks. I also grabbed the plates (glad I remembered them).


Skid marks from the impact site. He hit me at an estimated 40 mph, front wheel up in the air.




Note the tire tread on the bumper.



Final injury update on the motorcycle driver: Broke his back in three places, (had to get six discs fused), broken wrist, shattered forearm. These are the only things I know that happened. He was in various hospitals for over a week, finally ending up at the Mayo Clinic on Rochester the last I heard. He would've been dead had he not had his helmet on, guaranteed.

Somebody loves that Hennessy.

Found this little empty gem on my walk into the office in a parking lot three blocks away.

Great Taste of the Midwest

Here are a few pictures from my weekend at The Great Taste of the Midwest. The festival is the second longest running beer festival in North America, running for 23 consecutive years. It featured over 100 different breweries, microbrews, and brewpubs, with a total of over 500 different beers from the Midwest.


A license plate outside the Bell's Brewery preparty Friday night at Maduro downtown Madison. This place was amazing, with 14 Bell's beer's on tap for $4/pint ($4/10oz pour for Hopslam).


This doesn't really do justice to the amount of people who were at the gates, waiting to get in. There were literally a couple thousand people in line at about 12:45 when we arrived, and we had our first beer at around 1:25. Pretty impressive.



A view of downtown from on top of a hill at Olin Park.


The Ricola dudes. Unfortunately volume is not proportionate to size w/ those horns. Thats what she said?



Props to Red Eye, the only brewer representing Wausau (not including the Great Dane offerings)


Our tasting mugs held approximately four fluid ounces.


Brooklyn Park's very own Surly had quite a buzz about their attending the festival (pun not intended, but noticed). They had their "Brett Farve" offering at 4pm... but some wisenheimer added their own flair to the name. I like their obviously Minnesotan spelling of Favre. Rednecks.


A random traveling marching band. Not sure if this was planned or not. They had a nice beat, and you could dance to it.


Bell's had a M*A*S*H theme to their tent, and in a throw-back to old wars, had hung women's underwear around the top of their tent's. At around closing time, this chick grabbed a pair of the underpants, hiked 'em up to her boobs, and tried to dirty them all up in the mud. In this picture, she's doing a pretty good job of dirtying herself. She's enjoying some assistance from nearby dudes who gladly would pour their beer on a drunk chick.